In the past, when I've thought of the concept of surrendering, the first thing that comes to mind is a battle field where the losing side puts up a white flag and states they "give in" and no longer want to fight, because they know they've lost or are about to lose. My recovery process has put a whole different spin on this. Its a strange concept, but every day I surrender to the fact that I'm an addict and have absolutely NO power over drugs. If it was a matter of will power, I would still be using "recreationally"...duh. But in THIS flavor of a daily surrender, I'm actually winning and not losing. Wow, surrender to win? What the.....? Its a thing.
Today I am grateful that I have fully surrendered. I'm grateful to know and realize I can not win when I get high. Believe me, I have tried EVERY which way to make it work, and had to bump my head along the way MANY times as part of my process, but the results are in. I am a drug addict, have different wiring than normies, and an "allergy" to substances. When I use, I develop an abnormal phenomenon of craving, and will instantly re-prioritize my life with drugs being first. Above family, above self, above relationships, above morals, above everything. I'm grateful that I understand this, and all I have to do is not use to keep everything I've gained.
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