I'm definitely not proud of it, but I did quite a bit of shoplifting to get meth. I don't care how good a shoplifter is, the law of averages is such that one WILL eventually get caught, no matter what. It is now a felony for me every time I do it versus the normal misdemeanor thanks to Arizona's "repetitive crime" law. It was really hard for me to do at first, as I knew it was wrong and felt really bad about it, but after a while it got easier and easier. My moral compass deteriorated much like fire turns wood to ash. Rather than thinking "it is wrong to steal", I began to think stuff like "Its okay if I"m stealing from a big retail establishment", "as long as I'm not directly stealing from another person, it's okay". Shoplifting, or "boosting" as we called it, then started becoming an exciting adrenaline rush in and of itself. Then I started thinking it was okay to steal bicycles from ASU students. Their families are all rich, and their mommy and daddy can buy them another one. So the moral compass deterioration continued.
Remember, I hated that comedown, and boosting was a very quick and easy way to come up on money or drugs, mostly drugs. Most of the connections I dealt with would offer me drugs for items they needed or wanted. Anything from food, electronics, to clothes, jewelry, sunglasses, watches, tools, hardware. It was usually 1/3 to 1/2 of the retail value of the item in exchange for that amount of meth. Do the math, they were paying VERY little out of their pocket for me taking the big risk.
Even though I started thinking it was okay to do, there was always still some little part of me that knew it was wrong, and I just tried to ignore it. When I'd been awake for days, and twacked out of my mind, shoplifting was extremely paranoia inducing. Imagine doing something you know is wrong, being overstimulated beyond comprehension, extremely tired yet extremely wired, and having to look over your shoulder every second. I started thinking people were after me that really weren't at first, but once I kept hitting the same stores over and over again, that law of averages kicked in and they really DID start watching me. There's that guy again. He always comes in here and never buys anything.
Today I'm grateful to be back in the legal employment status. I'm grateful I don't have to run into stores, be extremely paranoid and shifty, and steal things. I'm grateful I have at least a little bit of my moral compass back and can know it is wrong to steal. I'm grateful that I don't HAVE to boost. I'm grateful to be getting my first paycheck this week, that I earned honestly and legally.
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