Some people say they don't get a comedown off of meth, and more power to them. I did, and it was absolutely the worst feeling ever. For me, the drug felt incredible for about 6-8 hours, then came that awful feeling. I'd rather make out with a running garbage disposal than feel that feeling. So I would do anything to get more as quickly as possible and make it go away. For me, it was even bad if I was able to sleep through it, because the next day I would get these INSANE headaches. My balance would be off, I didn't want to interact with people, all I wanted to do was get more. Between July, 2017 and December of last year, the most I was able to make it was 3 days. And by the way, that was only one time I actually "tried" to stop using. I had met a friend who was pregnant and homeless and was trying my best to help her survive and figured the best way to do that was sober. The best of intentions obviously didn't last. There were several times when I would "have to" suffer this comedown because I got arrested and was getting processed and booked in jail, but at most that was only an 8-10 hour experience, and I was again free to go handle the comedown how I knew best. More.
Believe me, I'm an incredibly imperfect person and I know this. I have lots of character flaws and defects, but one thing I do know is life is exponentially better without this wonderfully horrible drug. It gives me an opportunity to, day by day, work on these character flaws and try to be the best person I possibly can. I'm experiencing the truth of the cliche, my worst day sober is a million times better than my best day using.
Today I'm grateful for not having to come down. While I'm not feeling the incredible highs this drug offers, I'm not experiencing the awful side effects, the insane headaches, and the comedowns. I'm grateful to feel content and stable at the price of a lower baseline. I'm grateful today that this is good enough for me. I'm grateful that I felt more than good enough today to go experience a mother's day celebration with my family (and I had an incredible time!) and wasn't at "home" (or on the street somewhere) wallowing in self pity or "out there" trying to stave off a comedown.
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