The chief activator of our defects has been self centered fear - primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands. The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone. 12 and 12 pg 76
This is talking about fear in the context of character defects, but part of my story is fear was the chief blocker of me working the program to the best of my ability.
I was afraid sober life would be boring, miserable, and that I'd never have fun
I was afraid of doing a 4th and 5th step, sharing my past with another person
I was afraid that surrendering meant that I lost
I was afraid that being and staying sober would be too hard
I was afraid I would lose my "friends"
I was afraid of relapsing and letting my family down
What does the big book say to do about fear?
We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead, we let him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear. AA Big Book pg 68 (How it works)
My experience was that doing what the big book suggests worked. I asked God to remove my fears and it worked. Once I started actually working the program to the best of my ability, I found the opposite of all those fears I had about it initially were truth.
Life is very interesting and I actually do have a lot of fun in sobriety
Doing my 4th and 5th step was really not hard at all
Surrendering to the program gives me freedom
Sobriety IS the easier, softer way
I have real friends now, ones that actually care about me
I haven't had to relapse or let my family down since I ACTUALLY started working the steps
My daily step 11 work help me maintain this fearless attitude towards working the program. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
Were there any fears holding you back from pouring your heart into this program? If there were, how did you get through them?
Fear begotten by imagination sees danger even when there is no danger at all - Anastasia Novyk
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